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Now, let's be clear about one thing. If you are going through a divorce, I absolutely understand that this is a very trying time in your life.
You deserve to have a huge amount of sympathy, and hand-holding from your friends and loved ones. In fact, it's my guess that most of the people around you would really like to be there for you as much as they can, and would like to offer as much emotional support as is humanly possible.
Having said that, there are certain things that you can do that will absolutely ensure that your family and friends will cringe when they hear your voice and will be calling the phone company asap to install Caller ID
1. Assume that you have cornered the market on suffering! If you go forward with the mind-set that you are the only one with worries and there are due to monopoly each conversation, do not be surprised if you get the answering machine, instead of your friends.
2. Do not pay any attention to events or occasions in your loved ones' lives. Do not follow-up if you know they've been ill or have had personal problems. If something good has happened to them (such as a new romance, a promotion, a new house, etc.), everyone understands that it might be too much for you to call to congratulate them or send a card. After all, it's depressing for you to see someone else happy and the conversation just might be too painful for you to endure!
3. Use your phone calls as a forum to recollect every blasted injustice from your "ex." Make sure to provide lots of details and be sure to portray your ex at his / her lowest. Elaborate on your ex's short-comings and insure that your friends agree with you whole-heartedly. Make it clear that it is unacceptable for them to agree with your ex on any account, and you are expecting undivided loyalty.
4. Drop your kids off regularly for them to babysit. Do not offer to reciprocate the favor. After all, you have a lot on your head. It would be unreasonable for them to expect to burden you with too much. If they dare to comment that you have been too preoccupied with your social life and have not been paying enough attention to your family, you have every right to remind them of their own parenting mistakes and indiscretions.
5. Ask your friend's spouse to do special errands or favors for you. After all, you do not have the support of a partner of the opposite sex, and there are some jobs you can not do yourself. Your friends should be secure enough in their marriages not to be threatened if you spend excessive time alone with their spouse.
6. Show up unannounced to their home with a steady stream of dates, even if you know that you will not be seeing this person again. Do not care if their kids are at home. If their kids barrage them with a million questions, heck, that's their problem.
7. Discuss every sordid detail of your divorce, your dating life and sex life no matter who is present or what else is going on. Again, if their children or neighbors are present, you should not be expected to edit your conversations. You can not help it if "little ears" or prying neighbors are hanging onto every detail. They should mind their own business.
When a person goes through a divorce is in tremendous pain, it is easy to overlook the needs and sensitivities of those who are most dear. And of course, we all know that the above scenarios are designed to be humorous and to poke fun at those who are insensitive. Following even one of the above is sure to antagonize and offend just about everyone.